What I see within my eyes brings inspiration for kindness and compassion. The light kept within draws all who love me and I love close when they turn astray and fall within the darkness. Never allow fear to consume you, dear. Feel the peace and serenity flow from within. Do not laugh in the face of the evil, but keep your distance. Feel the warmth and happiness glow inside, and enjoy the growth of such. Reach your arms into the sky and mourn the past but revel in the future. Come home to the light, lap in the luxury of the good and fair. Allow such to bathe you in purity, removing all that has tarnished your being. Allow that smile to creep across your face and wrap you in happiness. Always love openly and deeply. When you fear darkness encroach on you, follow the light. Keep your steps light but true. For I am the Lighthouse, the bringer of peace, hope, and light to all.

Monday, October 24, 2011

Possible future

Christopher and Julie proposed me with a crazy offer yesterday, one that I've heard several times, but this time with an added plus. Every time I see them, they practically beg me through persuasion techniques to move in with them. I'm so used to it by now it isn't even funny. And every time I declined for health reasons. Emotionally and mentally, I've been far too unhealthy to move back to Nacogdoches - that's where John and I lived together, and that's where the majority of my pain and darkness developed. But they approached me with this yesterday, and threw in Eric moving in as well. I was so shocked, because they've never met Eric and haven't even truly talked to him. They're the only family I have currently that is open and wanting to get to know him so much as wanting to live with him. It's amazing, and I'm so very happy about it. My parents seem so very disinterested in the fact that I'm dating someone. It's most likely because he's not currently in Houston, or even Texas for that matter. They most likely see him as another "John" or another "Mikey", and unfortunately concerning my parents, Eric has to prove his worth. It breaks my heart that they can't see how he reacts to me and at least give him a chance, (because I know my Facebook is blasted with love from him and my mother can see that) but instead they seem to ignore the fact.
I talked to Eric about this, and he was all gung-ho from the minute I mentioned living with them. It seemed he didn't care where it was, what the house was like, etc. as long as we got to be together and him get to know my family together, it would be perfect. I guess I'm the only one having afterthoughts about it all. I just really got settled into Houston, I'm making new friends, I'm really enjoying the sea and nightlife in a way I couldn't in Nac, and am really coming into myself as a woman here. I've always thrived far more around water and city life, and I'm have reservations about moving to Nac. This is a small college town in the middle of a forest with the closest water source being a lake about half an hour's drive away. The last time I lived there, I went nuts with lack of life. It certainly didn't help that almost everything in town closes at 10pm. I assume it's mostly because I lived with John and was practically confined to a space within five feet of him. I sent pictures of the house to him, and he still loves the idea, even though it's an older house with older character. How many bathtubs do you know have claw feet? The only downfall I see to this house is that it's right next door to a car lot, so we'd all have to get black-out curtains in every single room. Frustrating, because I love waking up to the sunlight with my lover, but we have no choice in this place.
It makes me happy, though, because we'd have a place to live together, and my parents couldn't really say shit because it would be family living with family and respective significant others. Christopher and Julie have been living together (with others) for over a year now, and they've never frowned down upon it. Although I've very recently had awful experiences with men, and my parents (mostly my mother) tends to look down upon anyone I date for this very reason. It breaks my heart that Eric is having to work insanely hard just to prove half of his worth, and I don't have to do anything but be myself for his family to want to get to know me and to trust me to take care of him as he deserves. I wish my parents were more accepting in this nature and actually noticed how he reacts to me instead of assuming distance = asshole.
Time will only tell.

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